With the imminent publication of my first book, ‘Wild Animals and Wedding Outfits – a voyage of self-discovery around the world,’ I’m feeling a curious mixture of excitement and trepidation. At the time I wrote it, it seemed like a really good idea to pour out my innermost feelings and thoughts. In fact it was pretty cathartic and very therapeutic. Now that it’s about to reach a wider audience (hopefully, fingers-crossed that anyone will actually want to read it), I’m beginning to have second thoughts. I catch myself thinking, ‘Oh Nelly (or something stronger that you can’t put in print) everyone’s going to think I’m a complete basket case when they read about my spiritual revelations in the Himalayas’ or ‘they’re probably going to start burning effigies of me in India when they see how much I’ve moaned about certain aspects of that beautiful, crazy, vibrant land’ or ‘Oh, my goodness, all the parents at the school gate are going to know the intimate ups and downs of my relationship with my husband, Bill.’ You get my drift about how it has been driving my insecurities and my fears of being judged harshly by others.
Proof-reading the final galley of the book has been the most excruciating form of torture by self-analysis imaginable. On other read-throughs I’ve found myself laughing at all the jokes, getting swept along by the pace of the adventure and feeling sweetly nostalgic about all the wonderful places and people we met along the way. This time I just kept thinking, ‘Yikes, is anyone else actually going to enjoy this?’
I guess I’m not the first fledgling author to think this, and I wonder if it will be any different for the publication of my second, third or fourth book – well I can dream that there will be a second, third and fourth book too. I suppose it’s also part of the process started by the journey itself of becoming a proper grown up, of growing in my own self-assurance and not being constantly crippled by worrying what other people think about me. A dear friend once said to me, ‘Those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.’ So I think I need to make that my motto and stop agonising about it all. It’s far too late for all that now.
Anna Bromley - Author 